I am working with a 17 year old kid right now.    This kid is a true work of art.  A village boy, thief, addict, abuse from family, tried cutting his wrists, spews mean stuff out of his mouth, walks around with demons hanging on him, attitude the size of florida, sexual problems…etc.  Although he is a pill,  we believe he has made a commitment to Jesus.  Never-the-less, I have found myself groveling before God with what to do.  I have cried over this kid and I love him so much, it even shocks me.  I don’t know what I see in this kid but I absolutely yearn for him to move into the future I see for him.  I pray for him constantly, talk with him daily, and have him spend the night in our home once a week.  And yes, I have been completely burnt out with him and almost felt a bit of depression.  My kids have suffered a bit at the cost of discipling him and this tears me apart.  I am constantly asking the question “where is the balance?”  My family and kids come first.  I don’t think steve and I have found the magic formula yet but we are walking forward in God’s strength, and doing our best to use wisdom and have boundaries.  We have done absolutely everything for this kid and yet he continues to push me and down right piss me off on purpose.  I just look at him and think “what the hell?”  I don’t get this kid…..and I know deep inside he is testing me to see just how far the love and grace will go before it runs dry.  Because he has proven his idiotic theory with his family and friends and teachers.  He has taken rejection upon himself.   I have the power of Jesus love living in me.  I have the authority of Christ over demons.  I have God’s anointing and favor to set captives free.  I hold the truth.  I embrace the forgiveness of the cross so that I am able to extend it to others.  I know who I am, and I know who I belong to.  I know the mission that Jesus has commissioned me to.  I know it is life and limitless and eternal.  I know love doesn’t have any conditions.  It just loves!

7,000 Shoebox Christmas Gifts to be distributed

to every elementary aged child in Decan.

I feel the weight and fatigue pressing down on me from the last few months.  I can see so clearly my need for help and I am desperate for it.  There is a great sense of expectancy in my heart.  I feel the presence of God, the excitement of serving Him, the growth in our believers and there is truly nothing like this feeling, and yet I sense my own personal physical limits.  My mind, body and emotions are pushed to the extreme limit almost daily.  I merely crumble to a heap of listlessness on my day off.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not dying or anything.  I AM ok.  I just know I cannot keep this pace.  

I want to maintain my personal health and weight loss goals.  I want to have order, discipline and plenty of love and care for my kids.  I want my husband to feel #1 in my life.  I want to obey God and follow His best plan, not my own good intentions.  I want to live fully and fully live!

I know that help is on the way.  Our dear little Missionary Associate is trying with all her might to raise her funds.  She is coming to home school David and Raema.  I don’t think I could ever be so grateful at this season in my life.  Sometimes I cry when I think of the relief this will bring me. 

Christmas is around the corner and I am not ready.  Today Steve carried the boxes marked “xmas” down from the attic so I can begin the decorating process.  It is more important than ever to decorate our home, for it is the only sign to our kids that it is indeed Christmas.  No one around us will celebrate.  The stores will not have candy canes and Christmas music playing in the background.  We will not see a parade or Santa seated in a mall with kids lined up to take pictures and hand him a list.  For the world around us it is just another working day.  Nothing special, nothing recognized.  But for us, it is the reason we live, the reason we are here and the reason we celebrate.  It is a HUGE excitement among our few believers.  This is THEIR day to parade our celebration, and force their family to wish them Merry Christmas and recognize that indeed there are Albanian Christians in Kosovo and indeed Jesus came to earth as a baby to save us from our sins.  Although we are alone this year to celebrate without extended family, and we are just 2000 believers in all of Kosova, it seems more real than ever.  Christmas IS special.  I trust God will give me the balance and energy to celebrate to the fullest with my family and Kosovar friends.

This photo was taken from the balcony of our home in Peje, Kosova.  It is such a blessing to be reminded of God's promises especaily when you feel the weight of oppression here.  God is really doing a lot of great things amoung the Albanian people.  I am excited to be here for "such a time as this"!

ok.  sorry some pics are sideways.  i promise i rotated them before i downloaded them here.  oh well!  the above photo is me and the new wife of Timi's brother Riza.  They were married one month before we arrived here.  i missed the party but still got to see her decked out in this formal wedding dress.  She was wearing this for Bajram, the muslim holiday. (( i was standing on my toes))

This lady is Dotchi's new wife with there 5 month old boy!  wow he is a big kid.

You might have guessed it already.  This is the famous Resmia.  We had a wonderful visit.  I am waiting on God to do a miracle in her body.

. Are there really words for this?

Dije (my friend and house help) with her new baby girl, Melina.  Notice that cute guy in the background?